“If you’re not failing every now and again, it’s a sign you aren’t doing anything very innovative.” Woody Allen

A few things have happened this summer…

We purchased a beautiful VW.  I named her Tinctoria after a plant that you can harvest indigo dye from.  I knew she needed a name that rolled off the tongue like some ancient tribal dialect; she needed to belong to a culture that breeds creativity and mystery…I think it fits her perfectly.

To me she represents untold journeys and sublime adventures, rolling hills and white mountain tops, forested groves and babbling brooks.  She is the first purchase that my husband and I made together after being married.  I am excited to tell our children that, and all the wonderful stories that she will keep stored away in the rocks, shells and feathers that will accumulate in her German made drawers and cubbies.  I LOVE HER!!

Second,  I tried to grow a very large garden, or as a dear friend calls it a “Farm-den”.  It did not work out too well for me as my previous post denotes.  I have felt truly sad about it for a while.  Truth be told I grow very emotionally attached to all plants and trees.  I love their honesty and beauty.  I love that they spend all their time contemplating and swaying in the wind.  They endure blizzards and snow storms and tornadoes; they get struck by lightning, they have nails driven into their hearts and yet they persevere.  I have such respect for them.

I felt like I was raising a family of plants to feed my little family.  I had such plans to grow and preserve enough food for us, so we could live off of it for the coming winter.  I know I don’t NEED to do that, as I can walk into a store and buy any of these items, but I NEEDED to….does that make sense?  I like to feel self-sufficient.  It is important to me to keep alive traditions and skills that pioneer women truly had to use in order to survive. And, to honor and respect all the women of the world that live this way on a daily basis.

When the deer broke through the fence and destroyed everything, I felt like I had failed.  I was miserable and quite melancholy.  It is not a good feeling to feel sorry for yourself…and would a pioneer woman really have sat around and pouted about some pesky mule deer eating her labors?  NO!!  So, I took myself into the mountains, hiked up to the very tippy-top and threw all of those negative emotions right down in the very very bottom.  It was a sound to behold, hearing all those bad feelings hit the bottom of the deep deep canyon.  I smiled as I went back to camp, made myself some coffee and had a blissful time fishing in a lake…with no fish in it!!!

Photo by EA Weymuller

Third,  I know most of you know Patrick and I were recently married at the end of May, which also happens to be the beginning of the Smokejumper season.  I have a bit of a love-hate relationship with the summer.  I love summer for all the reasons people do…fishing, hiking, camping, camp fires, mountains, lakes, rivers, starry nights, shooting stars, flip-flops, no shoes, gardens, long-tongued dogs…  My loves of summer definitely out-weigh my negative feelings about it, but since this is an honesty post, I feel I have to admit a few of my dis-likes…the heat! (nothing above 85 degrees with a nice breeze, thank you!!), and the long absences of my favorite person.

Patrick has been gone so much this summer, which as all women of fire know, makes for a fat and lazy winter…which is what we all hope for 🙂 But honestly, I miss him when he is gone.  I like it better when he is by my side.  I like it when he comes home dirty and gritty and full of a hard day’s work.  I love feeding him delicious home-grown food.  I am so grateful and proud of the hard work that he does, and I am glad when winter comes and we can be together again.

Lastly, I am a student and have always been one.  I love to learn new things, and am always eager to see what I will do with new-found knowledge.  I spent the last two years preparing to do a Doctor of Physical Therapy program.  It was a LOT of work, time and money.  I do not regret for a minute any of the time spent during my preparations, because I truly did glean so much knowledge.  When I did not get accepted into any of the programs, I was heart-broken.  I worked SOOOO hard, and felt betrayed by the system of higher education.  I just couldn’t believe that they wouldn’t accept a willing and very capable person to pursue a degree that at its core is to serve people and help them recover back to a healthy life.  Blasted, I said!!!

That failure hit me hard, and took me a awhile to pick myself up and shift gears once again.  But, just like Woody Allen said, “If you’re not failing every now and again, it’s a sign you aren’t doing anything very innovative.” So, I am trying again, I am on a new path.  One that I am not sure how or where it is going to finish or really even to meander.  I hope my path is more like a river, one that changes with the seasons and times, one that alters tempo and forms an ox-bow or two.  I am excited to share with you my journey of a thousand miles, I am ready to take those first steps.  I can see what is coming, and am excited about going there.  I hope you will all stay with me and accept me for both my failures and successes.

Wishing you all the ability to dream and the desire to persevere.  I am thinking about my favorite giant Ponderosa and harnessing energy from its flowing cambium, bright heartwood and sweet cream soda smelling bark.


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